Words with P.R. (Edition 9) - Dealing with Loss

By Patricia Rogers | Posted Monday, May 16, 2022

Seeing yourself how other people see you

INTRO — LOSS

My sister and I have been joking about how in the last 3 years time has become a "mind fuck". Things that happened in 2019 feel like 3 weeks ago and things that happened last year feel like it was years ago. It is mind-blowing how much the world has changed in such a short time.

In my orbit, I have experienced a lot of loss. And because of how I am built, I try to just pick my head up, swim forward, and try not to look back. But I do have to take a second and accept that life has been fucking hard, and I have been doing all I can to get through.

This edition is dedicated to the loved ones I have lost since the pandemic started: my creative writing teacher Ms. Bremmer, my Grandmother, Cousin Sameemah, Natalia, Kenny, and my high school love Deshon. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of all of you and what you meant to my life. Your friends, family, students, and loved ones are forever in my thoughts and prayers.

If you are reading this I urge you to please let people know what they mean to you while you can. You never know when it will be the last time you hear from them.

PICKS — NOSTALGIA & REREADING HARRY POTTER

I am normally a pretty nostalgic person, but I have to admit that the heartbreak of loss led me to want to go back in time when things in my life seemed perfect.

One of those safe spaces for me growing up besides wrestling was always Harry Potter. What made HP special to me growing up was being able to get lost in the wizarding world. Learn lessons about the hard choices in life between love and hate, good and evil, easy and right, and countless others.

So my sister and are in the middle of rereading the series, it would be her first time and my third or fourth. The big thing for me is the message of bravery and pushing through the hardships for the greater good. If you love watching the Harry Potter movies (I mean, come on, when is it not on TV) then I highly recommend reading the book series. JK Rowling can be problematic, but the magic she delivered with the books can be considered life-changing. 

LESSONS — LIVING UP TO HOW PEOPLE SEE YOU

One of the most influential voices in our lives is the ones that are inside our heads. The one that speaks to us and determines how we see ourselves. I think that is why people loved Issa Rae's bathroom mirror raps where she would motivate herself to be the best person that she could be for herself. 

I recently lost my high school love who since the day we met put me on a pedestal. He thought I was the prettiest, smartest, flyest, and the most amazing girl he ever knew. And I loved that at the time when we were both teenagers. We broke up 14 years ago and he never changed his view of me. I hadn't seen him since high school graduation but we kept in touch by a phone call a few times a year. And he still talked about the positive impact I had on his life, and how much he wished he’d had it all this time.

I have to admit, I took him and this light he saw me in for granted. I used to be annoyed that my ex was still trying to get with me or saw me as the 15-year-old girl he fell in love with. But now, that he is gone and I have dealt with so much emotion over the years, I would give anything to hear his voice tell me how perfect I am. Losing Deshon has been understandably heartbreaking but it did come with a lesson for me, to never take people for granted.

At his funeral, I was reunited with high school friends. Sucked that it takes a funeral to bring us back together but it was nice to see them. It was comforting to me when we all went back to the same dynamic of friendship, and we all had the same personalities even all these years later. We all claimed to make sure we kept in touch after the service, and well knew that probably wasn’t true. However, it was nice to come together in Deshon’s memory and it was just like it would have been back in high school. 

TIPS — HOW MUCH IS TOO SEXY?

“Sex sells” I have been hearing that since I was younger, and grew up through sex tape scandals, and the birth of OnlyFans. As a woman, there is this pressure to appeal to the male gaze for success. It is unfair and yet it is also a way that women have been able to feel empowered. I have been glad to see society start to change its views on sex work, strippers, and women being naked because they like being naked. But then there is that thin line of, how much is too sexy?

My tip for social media and brand marketing when it comes to sex appeal is to do what makes you feel comfortable. I personally use the motto that I dont post or engage in content that I would not be proud to show my Dad. But that is me. Obviously, there will be influencers who pose in lingerie for work and must have parents that are okay with it, which is why I say it depends on each individual’s comfort level. 

Your followers appreciate and follow you for the authenticity of your account. If you do not feel comfortable being “sexy” it will not resonate. So when you do take that step just make sure it is something you want to do 

SHOUTOUT — BATTLE CLUB PRO — SWOLE'S PROMO

4/20 this year, I went outside to Brooklyn for Battle Club Pro’s Women Crush Wednesday wrestling show. The all-female card featured some of indie wrestling’s darlings like Trish Adora and Willow Nightengale. The highlight for me however was being able to see Big Swole in another main even title match defending her Battle Club Pro championship. After the hard-hitting match against Trish, Swole cut a promo that nearly brought tears to my eyes. There have been many moments in the last couple of months that made me so incredibly happy to be a wrestling fan, and this was one of them.

Swole is a black woman in wrestling who has always been outspoken, and unapologetic about the experience of being a black female wrestler. Her well-known departure from All Elite Wrestling & falling out with owner Tony Khan allowed showed us just how hard it can be. Swole however has always held her head high and been a voice for those that need it in the industry.

Here is some of her groundbreaking promo:

“I’ll be champ forever

Can’t Nobody can come in here and take what I take

Can’t Nobody can come in here and do what I do

Can’t nobody come in here and wrestle how I wrestle

OKAY 

Except for Trish Fucking Adora

You want to talk about a diamond in the rough?

You want to talk about a woman that’s paid her dues?

You want to talk about a woman that cares for this business?

That was just one

When it comes to winning and defending this

Here as ya’ll champion

I’m going to give the people that have no say

I’m going to give the people that have been loyalty

The ones that whose not trying to turn their back or change

We are icons

We are woman

We are idols to the younger generation, the children who are watching us

We will be the change because that is what battle club is all about

Please give it up to Trish Adora

I’m going to say this

Battle Club is one of the only places that actually believed in me

Joakim is one of the only promoters that flew me out and gave me the time and day 

I owe so much to this man.

I owe my career to this man

If it wasn't for God putting me in his ear, I would not be here 

So I thank Joakim,

I thank (Hard to hear)

I thank my all-mighty father

Ya’ll have a good night”

I am excited to see what Big Swole continues to teach and bring to all women in wrestling.

Interview with DUMMY, Kicking Off 2021 Right

By Sonia Schnee | Posted Saturday, March 20, 2021

New Jersey rock/alternative/80s-90s nostalgia quintet DUMMY have certainly been keeping busy. They kicked off 2021 by releasing their debut single and music video, “Suddenly”, on YouTube and all streaming platforms. Then on Valentine’s Day, they released a special second music video, appropriately named “Valentine,” and currently they are planning on releasing a follow up single as well as another music video (follow them on social media for the latest news and announcements).

Check out our interview, below, with the ultra-productive members of DUMMY to learn about their origin story, as well as the inspiration behind their song and music video, “Suddenly.”

Congratulations on the release of your debut single and music video, "Suddenly"! What can you tell us about the inspiration behind the song? 

Thank you so much! The lyrics were not only very personal to Ben, but we wanted the song to resonate and help people struggling with addictive personalities to not feel alone. At some point, everyone goes through a dark period in their life whether it’s a struggling relationship, mental health, substance abuse, or everyday vices that can trap one in a corner of their own self doubt. 

What was the music video-making process like? 

It was such an amazing experience just being able to work with a great crew. We were really excited to put our vision in the hands of Jim Boemio and Calyn Heller, whom we’ve grown a great relationship with as a band through Jim and Jeff’s history of making films for school. It was a long day of shooting but we’re stoked we got it done in a day. With this being our first release we had to make the best first impression, so concentrating on creating a great set and environment that ties perfectly with the mood of the song was extremely important to us.

Where did you record/who did you record with? 

“Suddenly”, along with a handful of unreleased work, was recorded with Mike Morello, at his studio in Hillsborough, New Jersey. There is probably no one we would rather work with who has such a great ear to bring our sound to the max. There’s not a single dull minute with Mike. He keeps it super real and straight to the point when tracking to make everything as proficient and professional as possible. Mike is truly an expert and has become a great friend and member of DUMMY.

Tell us about DUMMY. Who's in the band? Where are you from? How did you find each other?

DUMMY is Ben Nelson, Jeffrey Fetzko, Carlee Ahart, Matt & Cris Nace. Ben met Jeff growing up in the same  town going to the same DIY hardcore shows. After a few years, they reconnected and found a lot in common with one another. They had both gone through similar situations, fed up with working dead end jobs, they wanted to create something big. Summer of 2019 was the beginning of DUMMY.  After finding their sound and writing a new song or two everyday, Ben and Jeff got serious about finding members to help write and mold the sound. After writing a couple songs, they reached out to Cris and Matt Nace, old friends of Ben, who had the musical resume DUMMY was in search of. The Nace brothers perfected the fast paced drum beats and high energy synths, adding the intense energy the old hardcore shows reminded them of. Shortly after,  Ben reached out to Carlee, a high school friend. She became the perfect match for the sound with smooth rhythm guitar. 

How would you describe your style?

We have been describing ourselves simply as a ‘rock’ band. To be honest, we didn't really know how to describe our music. Since our release of ‘Suddenly’ we've been compared to so many different bands reigning from the 80s post-punk era to early 2000s alternative acts. It’s hard to categorize yourself with so many different types of influences we collect for our sound.

Who are your influences?

Ben — Sad Lovers and Giants, The Doors, Joy Division, John Maus.

Jeffrey — Tennis System, Vlad Holiday, The Cure, Turnstile, Beach Fossils

Carlee — My Chemical Romance, Led Zeppelin

Matt — Surf Curse, U2, Viola Beach

Cris — Turnover, Hippo Campus, Kings of Leon

What are you looking forward to in 2021, personally and/or professionally? Is there anyone who you'd like to collaborate with in the future? 

We’re super excited nonetheless to share the unreleased music we have, along with more videos we’ve been producing. Hoping within time we’ll be able to perform live with some of our friends in the area!

Finally, where can people find your music?

https://linktr.ee/Dummy.band

https://dummy.band

Https://dummytheband.com

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Yes! Thank you for taking the time and giving a platform for the voices of amazing artists throughout New Jersey. We cannot be more grateful for you guys reaching out to help promote our debut single along with what you do supporting local music. Much love!

— DUMMY